jOkEs jOkEs jOkEs .. anti boredom at stress.. :D

Boy: musta???
Girl: k lang. kaw?
Boy:k lang din. hehehe.
Girl:hehehe..
sa Globe Unlitxt, walang kuwenta ang usapan. hahahaha

Amo: mula ngayon, walang magsasalita ng ingles. ang sinomang magpadugo ng ilong ko at ng anak ko
palalayasin sa pamamahay na ito!!! klaro ba??
Inday: ang mga namutawi sa iyong mga labi ay mataman ko pong iimbak sa sulog ng aking balintataw,
sa kaibuturan ng aking puso, gugunamgunamin,aariing salik ng aba at payak kong kabatiran. tatalikdin ang matayog
at palalong banyagang wika, manapay kakalingain, bibigkasin at sakdal timyas na sasabitin ang aking sangkalooban
inday scores again!!!

health tips based on research:
headache-eat fish
fever-yogurt
prevent stroke-tea
insomnia-honey
asthma-onions
arthritis-fish
upset stomach-banana and ginger
bladder infxn-cranberry juice
bone problem-pineapple
premenstrual syndrome-cornflakes
memory problem-oyster
colds-garlic
cough-red pepper

Broken heart??

COLT45!!!
Todo Lakas!!!

a blackman, a whiteguy, and a pinoy were in the bar when a sexy lady comes up and says,
“whoever can use the words liver and cheese with style will be my date tonight”

White: steak that liver and melt that cheese on me
Black: i hate liver but i love cheese as i love you
Pinoy: hey, you two!!! Liver alone!!! Cheese mine!!! yeh!!!

the pinoy love
as if walang pakialam pero deep inside worried na.. miss na miss na…
pero nagtext.. so what?? daw pero later magrereply din naman…
pa-erase-erase pa ng number kunwari pero.. hello.. memorize naman yung number…
kapag hindi tinitxt ng mahal niya kunwari na wrowrong send para magpapansin…
ayaw magtxt pero nagtatanong sa barkada ng mahal niya kung kumusta na…
hay… Love nga naman sa Pinas oh.. Pang adik!!!

Little Johnny's heavy wagon

Little Johnny was going to his faters house one day and he was packing everthing in his room and putting it in his little red wagon.

He was walking to his fathers house with his wagon behind him, when he came to this hill.

He started up the hill but was constantly swearing "This God damn thing is so heavy"

A priest heard him and came out. "You shouldn't be swearing" said the priest. "God hears you...He is everywhere...He's in the chruch...He's on the sidewalk...He's everywhere"

Then Little Johnny says "Oh is he in my Wagon"

The prist replies "Yes Johnny God is in your Wagon"

Little Johnny says "Well tell him to get the hell out and start pulling"

Little Johnny needs a bike

A few months after his parents were divorced, little Johnny passed by his mom's bedroom and saw her rubbing her body and moaning, "I need a man, I need a man!"

Over the next couple of months, he saw her doing this several times.

One day, he came home from school and heard her moaning. When he peeked into her bedroom, he saw a man on top of her.

Little Johnny ran into his room, took off his clothes, threw himself on his bed, started stroking himself, and moaning, "Ohh, I need a bike! I need a bike!"

The Birds and the Bees

Little Johnny's father asked him, "Do you know about the birds and the bees?"

"I don't want to know!" little Johnny said, bursting into tears.

Confused, the father asked little Johnny what was wrong.

"Oh dad," Little Johnny sobbed, "At age six I got the 'there's no Santa' speech. At age seven I got the 'there's no Easter bunny' speech. Then at age 8 you hit me with the 'there's no tooth fairy' speech! If you're going to tell me now that grown-ups don't really fuck, I've got nothing left to live for!"

Little Johnny and April

Little April was not the best student in Sunday school.
Usually she slept through the class.

One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, "Tell me, April, who created the universe?"

When April didn't stir, little Johnny, a boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. "GOD ALMIGHTY!" shouted April and the teacher said, "Very good" and April fell back asleep.

A while later the teacher asked April, "Who is our Lord and Saviour," But, April didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. 'JESUS CHRIST!" shouted April and the teacher said, "very good," and April fell back to sleep.

Then the teacher asked April a third question. "What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?" And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time April jumped up and shouted, "IF YOU STICK THAT F*****G THING IN ME ONE MORE TIME, I'LL BREAK IT IN HALF AND STICK IT UP YOUR ARSE!"

The Teacher fainted.

Kung mayaman ka, meron kang “allergy”**
Kung mahirap ka, ang tawag dyan ay “galis” o “bakokang”**

Sa mayaman, “nervous breakdown” dahil sa “tension and stress”**
Sa mahirap, “sira ang ulo”**

Kung mayaman ka, “pneumonia” daw ang sakit mo**
Kung mahirap, “TB” yon**

Sa mayaman, “hyperacidity”**
Kapag mahirap, “ulcer” dahil walang laman ang tiyan**

Summer vacation was over and the teacher asked Little Johnny about his family trip. "We visited my grandmother in Minneapolis, Minnesota."
The teacher asked, "Good, can you tell the class how you spell that?"
Little Johnny said, "Actually, we went to Ohio."

Sa mayamang “malikot ang kamay”, ang tawag ay “kleptomaniac”**
Sa mahirap, ang tawag ay “magnanakaw” o “kawatan”**

Pag mayaman ka, you’re “eccentric”**
Kung mahirap ka, “may toyo ka sa ulo” o “may topak” o “may sayad”**

Kung mayaman ka at sumakit ang ulo mo, ikaw ay may “migraine”**
Kung mahirap ka naman at sumakit ang ulo mo, ikaw ay “nalipasan ng gutom”**

Kung mayaman ka, you are referred to as someone who is “scoliotic”**
Pero kung mahirap ka, ikaw ay “kuba”**

Kung ang señorita mo ay maitim, ang tawag ay “morena” o “sun tanned”**
Pero kung isa kang domestic na maitim, ikaw ay “ita” o “negrita” o “baluga”*

Kung nasa high society ka at ikaw ay maliit, ang tawag sa iyo ay “petite”**
Kung mahirap ka lang, ikaw ay “pandak” o “bansot”**

Kung socialite ka, ikaw ay “pleasingly plump”**
Kapag mahirap ka, ika’y “tabatsoy” o “lumba-lumba”…pagminamalas ka,
“baboy”**

Kapag mayaman, “fasting” ang hindi kumain**
Kung mahirap, “nagtitiis”**

Kung well-off ka at date ka rito, date ka roon, ang tawag sa iyo ay
“socialite”**
Kung mahirap ka, ikaw ay “pakawala” o “pok-pok”*

Kung mayamang alembong ka, ang tawag sa iyo ay “liberated”**
Pero kung isa kang dukha, ang tawag sa iyo “malandi”**

Kapag mayaman, “misguided” o “spoiled” ka**
Kung mahirap ka, “addict” o “durugista”**

» How to deal with boredom?????